He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize