I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
