At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
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I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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