My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
