May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
