I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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