So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
