I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I've blown a few things in my day
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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