if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
