Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
