i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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