Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Green mimosas i think yes
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
