More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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