we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
