i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
