I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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