I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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