I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
