you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
