My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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