You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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