Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
