yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
