my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
