she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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