Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
