Me. At least after what I've been through.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
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i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
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My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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