he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
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