How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
