do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
