She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize