true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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