would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
