I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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