smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
