I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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