I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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