So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
