i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
