Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
