would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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