Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
