you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
