If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
