I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
