oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
