i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
