I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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