Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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