Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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