mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She's not a foreskin expert like you
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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