3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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