Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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