I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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