I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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