I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
