I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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