my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
