Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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