I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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