It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
